Between you and us, we know a couple of friends or relatives who once had a great relationship that eventually turned bad. It could have been because of infidelity, insecurity, wrong priorities, or a wrong judgment call. What happens after the trust is lost? Where do you go next?
Do not get it twisted though; no one has any obligation whatsoever to remain in a broken relationship. Not even the amount of time you guys have been together should blackmail you into staying. However, it is natural that you’ll be scared of what the future holds and that has been the biggest reason why some partners choose to forgive and forget; hard as it is.
If you’ve reached that point of a seeming no-return, you have a choice and chance and can get back to the drawing board to work things out with your partner. We looked around and found some tips that might help you fix the relationship before calling it quits.
You can never go back to how things were if you can’t forgive. It is however okay if you just can’t get yourself to forgive immediately. It is just difficult to stop revisiting the bad incidents in your relationship and if you can’t get yourself to make an effort to forgive, it’s time you split for good otherwise it will always come back to haunt you and the relationship.
To forgive sincerely means that, let’s say you two get into an argument and things get heated, you can’t bring up the past ever again. To forgive sincerely means you lose that card completely. You have to make peace with yourself, let go and count on your partner working to not repeating the mistake for the sake of the relationship.
See a counselor
Most couples quake the idea of seeing a counselor about their relationship. The Baganda have a saying “Abasatu basatulula” loosely advising against third parties in a relationship. There’s absolutely no shame in seeing a relationship counselor. The beauty about a third party is that you are likely to understand your partner in a way you had never explored. Most couples lose it because they can’t communicate but relationship counseling will help you figure out how best to go about it so that you can move forward.
Remind yourself of your partner’s great side
It is pretty difficult figuring out a single good about someone after a real nasty fight. This particular tip applies if there has been a breakdown in communication or a disconnection. If you’re not just happy with your partner, it is a great idea to draw back on when you guys met, why you decided to stay, why you loved the person then, and probably why you have stayed this far.
As you reflect on this, you’re likely to regrow toward them. If that feeling kicks in, then that is a relationship worth working on. However, if in your reflection the bad outweighs the good, that relationship has outlived its lifespan; get out fast and move on.
When in the heat of an argument with a partner, it is common to feel unheard. Most of the time, small arguments grow because no one really wants to listen to the other. Don’t get it twisted though; if you simply shut down, it doesn’t mean you are listening, no. If all you hear and see is a nagging partner, you’re not listening.
The art of sitting down with your partner and letting them talk about anything that’s on their mind, even if you’ve heard it a zillion times, and not interrupting or countering them is called listening. If they are able to do the same with you, you two guys have a relationship worth keeping.
Own up your sh*t!
It takes two to tango. For a relationship to break, it takes two people. One might be guiltier than the other given the situation but there’s also a huge chance they are not completely innocent. Remember, not a single soul is perfect, partners in a relationship are not an exception to the rule. If you did something that created tension, own and apologize for it.
There’s a greater good in the realization that you are at fault for a situation. When you take accountability, it is when you learn and grow. Chances are high that when you recognize a mistake, you’re less likely to repeat it. Your partner will see this as a mature step in the right direction.
Take time off to yourselves
If relationship has caved because your partner feels more like a roommate than a boyfriend or girlfriend, the best reset button is a trip or an outing together; make a change of scenery for once. Take a trip outside your usual go-to places and use the trip to rebuild as a couple with an itinerary that has lots of fun activities and pleasurable moments.
Just like the car you fancy a lot, relationships too require maintenance to function, even when everything is good.
Overall, it is quite easy mending a broken relationship but the question you need to ask yourself is whether it is worth fixing in the first place. If you’re in danger, please take a walk. If you can’t find any redeeming qualities about your partner, it is also probably best to cut them off and find a more beneficial relationship for you.